How Can I Ease the Pain?

All alone
on my knees I pray
For the strength
to stay away
In and out,
out and in you go
I feel your fire,
then I lose my self control
How can I ease the pain
When I know you're comin' back again
How can I ease the pain in my heart
~Lisa Fischer

This basically says it all.

So, I am leaving for my trip next Friday. Just me. and the boy.

I ask him to take us to the airport. He said he will. He will keep my car while I am gone.
While on the phone with him, I am just a giggling. I feel our connection once again. I don't always. Sometimes it's missing. It can't be found. I hate days like that. Sometimes it lasts for weeks. But today it is here, and I feel good about it. I talk to him for about a half-hour.
I am funny as hell. So is he. We both know this.

This evening, I heard him on the phone. He was talking to a friend of his. I heard him mention that he was going somewhere..something about her family-something. Her being another woman. He said her name. I have heard about her before. I don't think he knows that I know her name. But I do. I thought it was over with them. Okay. For no real reason, other than I wanted it to be over with them. He never mentioned her before I found out about her (back in April) so I wanted to believe that the absence of him talking about her now meant that she didn't exist.

Clearly she does.