Paralyzed By Fear-and-my 6th Sense again--

So, I had other crap to talk about~~ but something happened last night that scared the hell outta me.

Several of us (and the kids, too) went to Marvin's and Sexy man's softball game last night..The game lasted until 10ish and we got home @ 10:30. We all went to my place for coffee, and a smoke.

One of my girlfriends, KJ, remembered that she had somewhere to be early in the morning, and forgot the paperwork to know where to go. She is in the Army, and stationed at the base nearby, so she went home, changed into her jammies, and rode up to the base.

My other girlfriend and I went outside to smoke. We saw KJ ride by a few minutes later.
Well, sexy man was gonna come by, so I went inside to get the boy situated and in bed.
About 10 minutes later, my other friend, MK called. She told me that she had the boy's backpack at her house, and there was important stuff in his folder. School pictures were being taken (the next day) and that she would "meet me half-way"...if I wanted to come get it.

"No"..I said quickly..So quickly, It made us both laugh.

"Why???" she wondered..

"I dunno...." I said. "I feel creeped out..." "I don't wanna be outside..." "I'll get it tomorrow..."
She chuckled and said.."You're Weird!"

I.SWEAR.TO.GOD. not 10 minutes later, While talking to MK on the phone, I hear someone pounding on her door like a MAD PERSON.

It was our friend KJ. She was crying, screaming, and trying to talk all at the same time. I heard her say something about a GUN. MK told me she would call me back.

I went and locked all my doors, and made sure the windows were closed and locked. I checked the patio door. I went in my room. Got my .38, went to the kitchen, counted out 6 bullets. and loaded that bitch up. I called Marvin and told him I was afraid. That I didn't know what was going on, but I was scared. He told me he would come over. I told him no. That I was scared for him too.

MK called me back and told me that KJ had been robbed at gunpoint. They put a fucking gun to my girl's head. They told her to drop her purse or they would blow her fucking head off. She did. And they didnt hurt her. They were young. They had on masks. They had a gun. They were scary. They called each other "Dawg". They laughed.
She had 2 dollars. TWO FUCKING DOLLARS.

I called sexy man and told him not to come around..I don't want anything happening to him. STAY HOME, I told him.

So, I need a smoke, but afraid to go near the door or windows. I sat on my couch, with the boy. He was asleep. I was scared. Paralyzed. I couldn't think. What if...

What if they shoot out my patio door?
What if they kick my door in?
What if they....

I sat on the couch, loaded gun in hand. I was on "watch"....no punk ass thieving ass motherfucker is coming up in here...

I think I fell asleep around 3 am. I woke up this morning, not so scared. But I will be scared all over tonight, and the next night, and the next.

On my way to work, I started thinking..what if that had been me? I wudda dropped my purse in a heartbeat, too. Fuck that. Take the shit. But what if I had the boy with me..and something like that happened? What would he do?

Should he run, and possibly get shot, shot at, or chased and hurt?
Should he stay by my side? And endure what I have to?
Should he listen to the people trying to rob or hurt us? Or should he listen to his mother?

He probably wouldn't do anything, unless I told him to.
He too, would be afraid.
We can't live that way.
My friend is okay, thank God. But this will affect her for the rest of her life.
Untrusting. Afraid. Paralyzed.
By Fear.