DETOX

I just can't let it go. And I keep asking myself, why the hell not?

There is nothing holding me to this man. Nothing. We don't really have a history, and surely no future. I try not to give this man any parts of me. I try not to take anything from him. But there is something about him.

Something that makes me want to be in his presence. Something that makes me want him. But there are things that just don't make sense. Something is just not right. . And because I don't know what it is, I can't understand it. I can't justify walking away. I don't want to.
I need him. And I know it.
I think most of what I feel for him, is not really about him. It's not about anything physical. It's about me.

It's about how I feel when I am near him. It's about how he makes me laugh. Even at myself.
It's about insight. It's about perspective. It's about the way he allows me be myself. Never making me put on a front. It's about how he lets me do what I want. without obstacles.
It's about his sexiness. His smell. Understanding things about me that I don't even think he knows he understands. It's about all the things that make me love him, in my own little way, for my own stupid reasons.

When I am not with him, I can feel his hands running thru my hair. I can hear his breathing. I can feel his presence. I can hear him whisper my name. I can remember what it feels like to lay up underneath him all night. Even if it was only once. I can feel the passion everywhere. It's intoxicating.

I can't let go. For whatever reasons. Clearly not valid enough. I need to step back. re-evaluate. Focus. I need to stop drinking this man in every time I see him. I need to let him go.
For me.