You are...perfect.

I almost fell the hell out when I heard those words come out of his mouth.
The shock of hearing baby daddy say those words to me today left me speechless.

Did he forget who he was talking to? ~LOL~
It's me..baby mama!

He didn't call me a bitch.
He didn't call me an asshole.
He didn't say I was selfish.
He said I was perfect.

I think if any other man said those words to me, I would be headed to get a marriage license.
So, what did baby daddy want, this time? Did he want me to call off the Sheriff from serving his ass child support papers? Did he want me to shut the fuck up about giving me money?
Actually. no.
He wants to get back together with me.

And He told me I was perfect.

I called him late this evening, because I was surfing on the internet, and I came across this site that had some of his personal information on it. Baby daddy is a very private person, and he would never put his business out there like that. I wanted to let him know of my findings.

We started talking, like two civilized people. There was no cursing, no carrying on, no name calling and no blaming. We started talking about our relationship, and what really went wrong.

He went on to say, he never imagined his life without me, and he figured that I would always be there. He said that he wished that he listened to what I was really saying. He said that at the time, he had no idea how unhappy I was.

The whole time that baby daddy is talking, saying how he wants us to get back together, I had only 1 thought in my head.
Him. Him, as in my sexy man. Am I ready to give him up? I have been up in his grill for almost a year. I have written about all the drama, love, excitement, and sexiness that surrounds us. And not to mention his little secret that has recently come to light ~rolls eyes~

But baby daddy told me I was perfect.

While talking to him, I was actually doing some math in my head.
I could do this, I thought.
Why was I thinking this way? All the pain that this man caused me is enough for a lifetime.
Nobody can ever hurt me like he did. Nobody. Never.
He stripped me of a lot of things that he had no right to take from me.
I allowed it, but had no idea what was happening to me in the process. That was sad.
When he was finished with me, I was not the same person.
He had stolen my spirit right from underneath me.
Tragic.

I wondered to myself if I could tolerate being with him. I know he would be good to me. I just know it. But I am not the same person that I was when we were together. I don't think he can handle 2006 Brenda--I mean damn.

We could make babies. He could help support and care for his son.
He could pay some rent around this bitch-he makes good money.
He could love me like I want and need--he knows me better than anyone--still, to this day.

Maybe I need to stop looking at him as the enemy, and some clarity will come my way.
He said I was perfect, but I can not say the same about him.
Deep down, I hate him. With more passion than I ever loved him.
How would we ever be able to grow as a couple when I have hate in my heart?
We can't. And I know that.

I am not perfect. And I don't want to be.