Giving out the digits..

I did it.

I met a man, and I gave him my blog addy.
And he read.
and read.
and read.

I let him know, that he has learned more about me in 2 hours than most men EVER learn.
Not that I have secrets..I don't. I do cruddy shit here and there. We all do.

But this is not even about my cruddy-ness..this is about allowing someone that is a stranger, but not really a stranger-stranger be all up in your business.
It's about exposing a part of yourself that you might not be ready to put out in the street.

It's about trust. And why I have trusted this man with this, I have no idea.
So, it took me a minute to think of a name for him. Just a minute.
He will be known as Edgar Allen Poe. (You will find out why soon enough!)
We will call him Poe for short.

I met Poe yesterday. I am not even gonna get into how..it's really just kind of bizarre.
Let's just say..we work together..but he is in another state...Ohio, I believe.

Poe and I were chatting thru our work Instant Messenger, and I learned that he was a poet.
(See, I told you you'd find out soon enough) He apparently is venturing over this way and wants to pop in on an open mic poetry spot..which I sent him the link to..
He sent me some of his stuff..lemme just tell you..No wonder poetry dudes get so much ass..
that shit had me..like ready to strip nekked!

I told him that I have written some poetry, but I am really a WRITER! (damn--did I just say that? I never really considered myself a writer!) and I told him that I had a blog, and before I knew it, I was sending him the addy.

He started reading..and mentioned to me a few times how funny I was..and today, I guess he was reading some of my serious drama, and told me that I had a really rough time, for a minute there. I want him to enjoy reading what I have to say. I want him to read every word..and feel every pain, and every joy.

Him and I..well..we just clicked like that..and that NEVER happens for me. NEVER. It always takes time for me to feel comfortable around men.

Any man.

It takes time for me to let them into this muddled and sometimes evil mind. I don't want anyone too close. I don't want anyone to see that I have insecurities and fears. But I guess it's too late for that.

We'll just have to see how Poe handles all of this information.
I just hope he doesn't make any of my words haunt me.
Nah..he will love me just the way I am.
I believe that.

He doesn't exist to me

I ain’t even mad at him. Naw. Not even mad.

I been walking around all day trying to talk myself out of calling Sexy Man just to see if I can do it. We have talked or seen each other damn near everyday for the past 5 months.
Now that I am at the new spot..which by the way..I love my new job..he is a little bitter.

We met for lunch yesterday..(my THIRD day of work) and I ended up taking a hour and a half..this is just not gonna work! My ass is going to get fired! ~LOL~

So, today..I wage this inner battle with my desires. I am not going to call him today.
Everytime I thought of calling him, I said..”He doesn’t exist to me!” Hilarious!
I was walking through the maze of cubicles at the J-O and I saw this HUGE magnet thingy that had his initials..and I thought to myself..I should take that and put it on my..I dunno…something metal that I must have somewhere..and then I thought..WHY? He doesn’t exist to me! And I busted out laughing.

The people where I work must think I need medical attention!! I was just cracking myself up all day.

So, it’s not that I’m mad at him..I’m not. I am just trying to make sure I got myself in check..because I need and love this job!

Schedule Change

I got up at 8am this morning with the boy. He needed socks and I haven’t matched them.
They are in a laundry basket. About 101 of them. It took me a few minutes to find him a matching pair. I gave them to him and got back into bed.

He was in the living room playing with Cleopatra (the puppy that is a pain in my ass!) and he and his friend were cracking up at the T.V. I yelled for them to turn the T.V down, and he always thinks that shutting my door will suffice.
I guess in this case it did, because the next thing I knew, I heard the home phone ring.
It was sexy man.

“Hello?” I say, trying to hide the fact that I was asleep.

“Oh Hell Naw DAWG…HELL. NO!! Do you know ITS NOON?
Come’on baby girl..you got.ta do better.
Ya gotta do better than that..” he said with a laugh.

I knew just what he was talking about.
Me getting up for work next week.

“I’ll do better tomorrow..I promise..” I whined at him.
“I am tired! I promise..tomorrow…” I said.

We both laughed. But it’s really not funny.
I have been keeping crack head hours.
I go to bed around 4 am and sleep till noon.
Yeah. I need to seriously change that.

side note: I didn't even let on the reason that I was up so late last night.
I had a late night caller. I have been avoiding him for the last few
months, because sexy man and I been kicking it hard. But he has been
on my mind the last few days, and when he called, I just couldn't say no.
Yes.."the other one" made an appearence last night. He is so damn shady.
But...I guess I am too. That's just another story for another time. end side note

He got to the real reason that he was calling..
to make lunch plans. He said he had some reports to do,
but he would call me back.
I was supposed to figure out where we were going.
Sometimes we go shopping..sometimes we just go eat.
Sometimes we do both.
I like going anywhere with him, so it really doesn’t matter to me, but he as been letting me pick out his clothes lately, so I am all about going to the mall. I know that he has no patience for girlie shopping, nor would I even put him through all that.

We just understand each other like that.

We ended up walking around a sporting goods store, then Old Navy, then we went to eat.
I guess my staying up late..sleeping half the day, and then having a 3 hour lunch with sexy man days are coming to an end.
Man, am I gonna miss him.
I am sad about that.
But I guess he's right.
Ya got ta do better.