10 things that I have learned this week.

Here is a list of the 10 things that I have learned over the past week.


(1) Just when you think you have found the stupidest person in the world, you realize that there is someone even more stupider than them.
That person might even be your boss.

(2) People do things for you that they really don't want to do. (like picking your drama ass up at the airport, and then not making you drive home because you don't want to)

(3) Kids make messes. Big ones. I have known this for sometime, but I just wanted to say it.

(4) Friends need to be told about themselves sometimes. When they are rude, or just plain ridiculous.

(5) I trust my friends with the most important person in my life. I know that he will be taken care of and loved when he is with them.

(6) I smoke too much. I say too many bad words. I am not going to change either of these, it's just an observation.

(7) Traveling is stressful. No matter how much you plan, no matter how organized you are. It's much worse when you don't plan properly and are unorganized.

(8) 3 Alarm clocks and a wake up call can't get me out of bed in the morning.
1 phone call from a sexy man can.

(9) Some people don't know their boundaries. But they will.
Everything is not about you. Remember that.

(10) Not all pilot's know how to land a plane without frightening the shit out of the passengers.


It's good to be back home.

Words of Wisdom

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE
a set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black
lace bra...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE
one friend who always makes her laugh...
and one who lets her cry...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE
a good piece of furniture not previously owned by
anyone else in her family...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE
eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems,
and a recipe for a meal that will make
her guests feel honored..

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE
a feeling of control over her destiny...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
how to fall in love without losing herself...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
HOW TO QUIT A JOB, BREAK UP WITH A LOVER,
AND CONFRONT A FRIEND WITHOUT RUINING THE
FRIENDSHIP...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
when to try harder...and WHEN TO WALK AWAY...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
that she can't change the length of her calves, the
width of her hips, or the nature of her parents...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
that her childhood may not have been perfect...but
its over...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
what she would and wouldn't do for love or more...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
how to live alone..even if she doesn't like it...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
whom she can trust, whom she can't, and why she shouldn't
take it personally...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
where to go... be it to her best friend's kitchen table...
or a charming inn in the woods...when her soul
needs soothing...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
what she can and can't accomplish in a day...
a month...and a year...

**Remember: a friend will help you move. A best friend will help you move a body**

Just another Black Sheep

I have always thought I was the "black sheep" of the family. I figured this out for sure when I was in High School. I was always doing something to get myself into trouble. Trouble was fun, back then..it was always about breaking rules and seeing what you could get away with. It was about seeing just how far you could go, and how many people you could piss off along the way. With me, I always stopped just short, of really going over the edge.

After High School, I remained the "black sheep" Staying out all night, lying about where I was, and who I was with, and right about that time, I converged on the streets of DC, only to become an even worse human being than I was before. I was terrible. There wasn't much I wouldn't do for a thrill. I would get rolled up on by the police and talk to them like they were a piece of shit. I would cuss and carry on, and act like a complete fool. I don't know what they thought, and honestly, I didn't care.

My parents were "done" with me. My brother had few words for me, but I always knew if I got into some real trouble, that he would come do what he had to do to make things right. I wasn't treated badly by my family, but whenever I did something gossip worthy, (which was often) I knew all the whispers were about me.

My boyfriends were thugs. My friends were thugs. I think I was one too. (LOL!) It's actually a scary thought now, to think of the people that I hung with, they were dangerous. They all used drugs, they all drank, they all committed crimes, but they loved the hell out of me! I was their 'baby girl" I guess in a way, that was my street name? LOL!

That was so long ago. I have changed so many things in my life since then.. my thought process has changed, (but it still defaults to "thug"..I can't help it!)
I have a completely different perspective on things. Life has been good since
I gave up the lifestyle of street thug.

I still have my moments. I still have a little ghetto in me, that is something that will never go away. That is part of my personality, it is tucked away, and only surfaces once in a while, but I am glad that I have that ace in the hole. It shocks people. But they know that shit is no joke.

You would think that after all this time, the "black sheep" label would be gone. Just because I don't live a life that everyone approves of, that doesn't make me a bad person.

I still may be the "black sheep" of the family, but I don't care.
I look good in black.

You want to know if I am doing "what" with "who"?

What does a woman think she is going to accomplish by calling the "other woman"? This is something that has always bugged the shit out of me. How does a woman, who suspects her man of cheating, pick up the phone and call someone she doesn't even know and interrogate her?

I think that when your man is "suspect", you need to take that shit up with him. You need to ask him what you want to know...you need to leave the other person out of it. The "other woman" has no loyalties to you. She owes you no explanation. YOUR MAN is the one that (possibly) violated..she owes you nothing. HE DOES.

How can this conversation ever go well? How does the caller not look ridiculous? How foolish and desperate does this person sound? -Seriously- take a look at yourself...you look like a complete idiot..it sucks that you made a bad choice, it sucks that you don't trust your man, it sucks that your man might be fucking someone else but --pull yourself together--I understand that hurt feelings and betrayal are involved here, but get that sympathy from your friends. 'Cuz ya won't get it here. I absolutely WILL NOT tolerate this kind of bullshit in my life. I have no patience for women that want to create a "sisterhood alliance" with me because we might be sleeping with the same man. I have no stories for her. I am not "on her side"..we will not be friends, we will not compare notes. She will be even more frustrated after getting off the phone with me than she was before. In fact, she will be referred right back to her man, she will get nothing from me. Let him explain to her who he is creepin' with.

I bet people are thinking that "if that were you...you would want to know..." You don't need to tell me a goddamn thing. The signs are obvious, I don't need some random woman confirming anything for me. TRUST ME, the only thing I will be calling you for is to tell you to come get his shit. I might even be nice and tell you what hospital he is in. LOL!

Some might say that we have a responsibility as women to let the caller know what exactly is going on, what kind of dirt her man is up to,...I disagree, this is her drama, his drama and their drama. Never will their drama be mine. I mean seriously, what do you want me to tell you? If I knew about you? That I am doin' it with your man, and how many times a week, how we met, when the last time we did it was? It's funny that women never ask if you 'love' their man. They just assume that you are some hooker off the street, that he is just using for sex.

So the next time you decide to confront the 'other woman'...make sure you're ready for what she has to tell, or in my case, what she will never tell.

Give a Brutha up for 40 days?

I wonder if it's possible... Can I really give a brutha up for 40 days?
Maybe some brutha's, but not this one.

He has tapped into my psyche just a little too much. It's almost like he can predict my next move. He knows what and how I think. He knows what I will and won't do. He knows how I roll. He knows what I want. I think I confuse him on some level, but he knows what's up for the most part. I know he likes me...but to what degree, remains a mystery.

He has a sexiness about him, that makes me just want to do nasty things. He has a grin that makes me just want to grab his face and smooch them lips.
He is one of the funniest people that I know. He has definitely stroked the mind. I like him. I like being around him. He makes me laugh. He gives me insight and perspective.
There are not a whole lot of constraints on our relationship, not many demands. We just kind of do our own thing. People wonder what we are up to, but I never tell. I love him, in my own little way.

Give a brutha up? Nah. Not because I can't..because I don't want to.

Is the chase finally over?

I think I am just about ready to give up the chase. At first, the chase was fun, it was exciting, it was about seeing if I could ever get a hold of what I was after. What am I chasing, you wonder?....a man. (LOL!)

So, let's see..when is it really time to stop chasing after someone? Some would say, when you realize that you will never catch them. But I say..when it is no longer fun. See, I personally, don't mind chasing after someone and looking like a complete idiot, as long as it is fun and exciting. The chase is half of the fun..but when it no longer becomes fun, when the "fun" part of it has become straight up work, and the excitement of the chase has faded, it's time to just let it go, and find someone new to chase after. (and I am not talking creepy, stalker shit, either.)

You can only physically and mentally chase after someone for so long. When they know the chase is on, and they don't want to be caught, they will do everything to stay just out of your reach. They will make sure they are always in your sights, and never get too far ahead, because you just might give up sooner than they would like. They like the chase too. They know that you adore them, they like that you like them, and they like you... to a certain degree, but they just aren't ready for you...for whatever reason.

That's fine. As long as you both know that the chase won't go on forever. One day, things will change, either I will stop chasing, or he will stop running. He will keep going, and I eventually will just fade back. One day, he may turn around, to see if I am still there, and I won't be. He will wonder what happened to me...but I will be running in another direction..he no longer a thought. I want him to just slow the fuck down, but he won't.

Okay...Maybe I am not ready to give up the chase, but I have at least stopped running...it's now more like a slow jog.

Stroke the mind...before the behind

This is a one-liner that I use when I am certain that there is only ONE thing on a man's "to do" list: ME.
I use this line, because it makes men think a little, and it's a challenge that most men aren't up for anyway. They usually squirm a little, then say something completely dumb and I just get turned off even more. There is nothing wrong with wanting a little mental stimulation! LOL!

I like men with intellect. I think it's sexy. I mean, don't get me wrong, I have dated men that are FAR from intellectual. It's annoying. There is nothing worse than a man that can't carry on a decent conversation that isn't riddled with cuss words, X-rated content and broken English.
I mean, jeez, speak to me about something other than how many ways you want to do it to me. (Oh, don't worry, I talk like that as well sometimes, but as with everything, there is a time and a place)

My question is how many of these men actually get anywhere with this type of approach? Does this work? I can't remember the last time I ever hooked up with someone that came out the gate with gutter talk. This is not only offensive, but unnecessary.

My advice: Save the trash talk for when you get me where you want me.

The less I give...the more I get..

I have decided that with men, less is more. The less I give, the more I get.....Why does this seem to happen?

Lets take a man that you truly adore.. there isn't a thing in the world that you wouldn't do for him. You are very considerate when it comes to him, and anything that he may need or want..and what do you get in return? Not much.. Not many phone calls, not many nights out, little or no booty spanking... so you conclude that the effort is just too great for the return. So, you just stop giving. Not completely, but for the most part...a smile here, a wink there....Simple, right? WRONG!

It seems as if NOW, he wants to call, go out, spank the booty, hang out....so here is my theory: I think that MOST men just don't like available women. They want everything on their own terms, they don't want to feel like they are being chased after. They crave attention, but when they get it, they act like they are being bothered. They want to chase the pussy around, they want to be challenged. They want to be in control. Women are reeled in and then given slack in the line, once the man figures she is too far out, reel 'em in again..and on, and on, and on.

The biggest problem with this is there are so many women out there that are so liberated, that they know exactly what they want and from whom. They know that the pussy is a powerful tool, and they use that to their advantage. They know pretty much what they want and how much they are willing to sacrafice to get it. But once a woman realizes they are fighting a losing battle they will cut the line and move on. This makes men wonder.."what happened?"

The answer to this is simple. Make sure the man that you give all your attention is giving you the same attention in return. That you are getting an equal return for your efforts. This does not take long to figure out. Once you know that you are not getting the attention and time you deserve, cut the line, and don't look back! There are too many men out there to waste time on someone that does not have the same ultimate goal as us.

So don't give it all so soon, make sure you really want what it is you're chasing after, because sometimes, we ultimately end up with something we don't really want anyway.

3 Hits and you're Out!

I have created a rule for myself, that unfortunately, I did not comply with.

It's the 3 hits and you're out rule which allows a man to come over for 3 sexual encounters and I am done with him. I have adopted this rule, because, looking back, it seems to me that feelings start getting in the way sometime after the 3 hit mark, but I used 3 just to be on the safe side and not get "caught up". Play the game, Dont let the game play you.

I think a lot of things figure into this mathematical equasion, like the time that elapses between these 3 encounters, how good it actually is, if you are getting more than just a booty call, just how attracted you are to the guy, what else you have going on in your life, and just what you consider a booty call.

But, when does a booty call evolve into something else? How do you know when you are no longer a booty call, but more of a love interest? Well, that depends. I also have another rule: "you come in the night, you leave in the night" (Don't think you are gonna be walking around my apartment in the morning in your boxers, drinking my bottled water, and watching cartoons while I make breakfast..this is not that kind of party. Its called a booty call for a reason!) So, here is my take. If the "come in the night...leave in the night" rule is adheared to, then usually other issues don't develop, and that is a booty call.

But what happens when the guy stays all night?... and snuggles up underneath you all night, and washes your hair in the shower, and WHAT if he comes over and doesn't even attempt to have sex with you. What if he just wants you to cuddle up with him with his arms around you, telling you how good you smell...Oh, the drama! ...see what happens when you break your own rules? CAUGHT UP!!

So, now comes my dilemma of non-compliance with the 2 rules above. What the hell am I thinking? and what to do about it? Maybe instead of trying to keep men at arms length, I think I need to change my rule, to keep getting the good while the good is still good. To give a man more than just 3 chances to see that I have many qualities to offer other than just spanking that booty. Maybe the new rule needs to be 3 STRIKES your out.

Besides, that's how the game is supposed to be played anyway.

My "Friends" and my Men

I often wonder why do so many of my "friends" push the envelope when it comes to me and my men? Let me first say, that I am very comfortable with myself and my relationships with my men. I think that's why I am able to write this from home and not from the Maryland State Correctional Facility for Women, because if I were not secure with my relationships with my men, many of my "friends" would surely be in a river somewhere safely secured to the bottom with a pair of cement shoes.

Do my "friends" actually think that my men are community property? That they are to be giggled at, spoken to with sexual innuendos, rubbed up against, looked at with googly eyes, and hanged upon as if they were a stripper pole? Sometimes, I think they do.

So my question is, why do my "friends" feel the need to do this?

We will explore this strictly from the perspective of me. CLEARLY, I don't like it..I don't give the smile and nod of approval as I watch this happening (either they think that I am blind..(news flash, bitches..I have perfect vision) or they think they are somehow protected by an invisible shield while they shake their nasty booty all up on my men on the dancefloor)...I think that this is a loud shout-out to say "Look at your man flirting with me...Look at me...I can have him if I want him!"...Don't get me wrong, some of this could be taken as innocent fun, but there is a fine line between having fun, and disrespectful behavior. Don't disrespect me just because you feel the need to have "male attention" from someone elses man! If my "friends" are willing to put everything on the line to grin in one of my mens face for the 2 minutes that he even pays attention to them, then what does that say about my "friend?"

I am not saying that my men are totally blameless, but this is not about my men, this is about my "friends", and their lack of common courtesy, and their obvious yearning to have the shit slapped out of them.

How am I to respond to this? Like a fucking lunatic? Nah, not my style. I prefer to do my dirtiest of dirt on the sneak. (LOL!) Don't misunderstand, I have called people out on this before, but I just dont have the patience to explain to my "friend", (that by the way looked great when she left her house for the bar, but now 10 drinks and 3 hours later looks like a drunk hooker), that she is pissing me off. I don't feel like hearing the "you're not mad at me... are you?" speech. I am not havin' it.

But here's the thing...this is not just drunken behavior...it happens when drinking is not even in the equation. Maybe they assume that this is acceptable behavior because they have not been given a beat down..is that what it takes to get their attention?

I think my "friends" view this behavior as "cute" and think to themselves that I must be thrilled that they are so comfortable in their relationship with me, that they can say and do what they want with my men no matter how inappropriate. I think that my "friends" are insecure women that need to feel like each and every man in the room "wants" them in some way, and that surely if they can get attention from a man that is clearly there with someone else, that what they think about themselves in their minds must really be true.

But while I sit back and watch these women make complete fools of themselves, I am giggling on the inside wondering...is there a river in Columbia?

And the Academy Award goes to.....

This has got to be an age old question: Why do people put on a fake persona? I (being wise beyond my years) seem to think that I have all the answers...

I think the main motivation for people to act a certain way has do to with acceptance/rejection. If people feel that they need to be accepted by a certain person, group or crowd, they will conform to what that specific person or crowd is looking for. What many people fail to realize is that most of the time when you pretend to be someone that youre not, you can only play that role for so long, sooner or later the real you will emerge. THATS when people start talking shit and when you become unaccepted in that group anyway. So really, whats the point? If you are a stuck-up bitch, then act that way ALL THE TIME! (You wont have many friends, but there ARE others like you out there that will welcome you with open arms!) If you are jealous...let that shit be known! It may save you a lot of explaining in the long run...If you smoke, drink, act like an ass..put it out there..

Lets not misunderstand...I mean there are times where being on your best behavior is a necessary evil...I am talking about the big picture of things...don't hide your character defects, habits and flaws..put your shit on shout out! This is me..this is who I am...this is how I live my life..either love me or hate me! (but never, ever judge me!)

Maybe if we set out the "RULES" before we begin, most of us wont need to spend so much time pretending things don't bother us, and then walk around with an attitude and then say "nothing" when asked whats wrong. Hint: when a woman tells a man that "nothing" is wrong, he,most of the time, will carry on as if "nothing" is wrong.

Some (of my) rules are simple:
Don't ever call me a "bitch" and mean that shit. And to tell if your kidding...Dont ask, I just know. It's almost like once upon a time I was accustomed to being called a bitch, since it was a word used so commonly in my relationships. But then ..one day..I woke up and decided that I was a bitch no more, and never again will be anybodys "bitch".

Don't be a liar..you DONT HAVE TO LIE! Just come with it. Come with the truth. You will get so much more respect if you come with the truth than some stupid ass lie. Don't be a FAKER! It is so unattractive!

If we live together, DONT STAY OUT ALL FUCKING NIGHT...I believe that there are only 3 things that keep a man out all night...DRINKING, JAIL, and PUSSY. I dont need a cheatin', drunk-ass felon in my life! I swear, I don't!

When all else fails---use your god given common sense!

anyway, enough about rules...LOL!

Then, there are people that say something that they really mean and then when given a negative reaction, back off of their original statement....

Dont back off of it...and dont apologize for being yourself..but lets not forget, being brutally honest is sometimes about the brutality more so than the honesty. There are ways of being tactful while still telling someone to go fuck themselves. Sometimes words are not even necessary...I have told many of people to go fuck themself without even saying a word, or giving the universal hand gesture. I guess the thing about me is that my face reveals my thoughts more than I would like it to. I give true meaning to "written all over your face" ...This can be a blessing, and a burden at the same time. Sometimes I don't even realize that I am thinking something and my face is telling the whole sordid story. But, mostly, I dont care. For the most part, I like people to know what I think about them, where we stand, and where we are going. I think when you love (or hate) someone with passion, they should never have to wonder how you feel.

I guess the academy award goes to someone other than me.

Hugs and kisses to the people that I love!

xoxoxoxoxo