I love him..and now he knows it..

"I love you, baby" I just said softly, as I kissed him on his cheek.
His arms wrapped around me.

As soon as those words came out of my mouth, I wondered why.
I have said it to him many times..but never with so much..so much passion.
I actually meant that shit.

I had just played the big joker. No more trump cards left.
That was it. A brutha done broke this sister down.

I quickly looked up at him..he grinned and let out a laugh.
He actually looked embarassed.
But not half as embarassed as me. It just came out so freely.
Like that is what I was supposed to say at that exact moment.

I backed away from him and said "What? did I just say that?
I don't love you!--Go to work!"

I playfully pushed him out the door,
and checked him out real quick.
"Damn.." I said out loud.
He smiled at me.

He looks good today.
I bought him the tie that he was wearing and
he was rockin it like only a sexy man can!

We both laughed, but the truth is, I do love him
and if he never knew before, he knows now.

Left Alone...Again

I went outside around 1am this morning to smoke.

I drank too much coffee, and couldn't get to sleep.
I was probably only out there a few minutes when I saw my
neighbor from the next building walking over.

She was mad.

"Do you know this fucking bitch left her daughter?... Again?"

It took me a minute to realize what she was talking about.
Then I knew.

The ghetto bitch in the apartment above her, went out clubbing
and left her 5-year old daughter home alone, and this was not the
first time.

Her daughter comes outside and sits on the steps and cries.

No phone. No contact numbers. No nothing.
5 years old.
What kind of mother does that?
What could ever be more important than the safety of your child?

She said that her mother was not home, and she didn't know where she was.
She woke up and looked for her mother but could not find her.

The police were called and they somehow got in contact with the mom.
She told them that she was at the grocery store "around the corner."

At 1am?
Huh?

It took her more than 30 minutes to get home.
She did not have one fucking thing from the grocery store.

But she did have on high heels and club clothes.
Another neighbor heard her shoes clicking down the stairs around 11pm

This is just not okay.
I know there might be some people that just want to defend her behavior,
but there is no excuse, and no reason good enough to defend that.
I don't care who you are and what your circumstances are.
Period.

The first time...

..that I laid my eyes on him. I will never, ever forget it.
April 2004.

It was my 3rd day at a new job. I was told that I needed to "see him" to have some
things that I needed set up.

He was rushing around like he was on a mission.
He barely stopped walking to hear my request.
He made some smart-ass comment when I told him what I needed.
A box for in-coming mail.

"And you need this today?" he asked me, slightly annoyed.
I shook my head yes.
"No one even knows youre here!" He said sarcastically.
"Who the hell is going to be sending you mail today?" He snickered.
He shook his head and kept walking.

It made me laugh, but I was annoyed.
I even cursed him under my breath.
Jackass.
I think I'm gonna hate him, I thought.

The next day, I had my little mailbox at my assigned mailstop.
"That's what I'm talkin' about" I said out loud to no one in particular.
"Give me my damn mailbox!" I laughed at myself. I am so funny!

He is still sarcastic and he still makes me laugh.
Only I never ended up hating him like I thought.
I love him. And that's all I have to say about that.

Funny how things change.