Refreshed!

Ok, so after my rant on Saturday, I relaxed all day yesterday. I started thinking how lucky I am that I was able to take a vacation. A vacation where I didn't have to do SHIT if I didn't want to.

When the boy decided that he was hungry, I pointed him in the direction of the food!
He basically had the run of the ship. Coming and going when and where he pleased. He surprised me, because he was quite the independent traveler by day, and every night he crawled into bed with me and told me how much fun he was having.

He has no idea how lucky he is. He has no idea how much I struggle and sacrifice to take a cruise every year. But one day, he will understand the magnitude of our travels. And he will appreciate it. I know he will.

I decided that I am taking a cruise every year, for the rest of my life. I need it. I need a vacation where I don't have to provide entertainment for him. Where I don't have to worry about driving here or there. Or cooking or even going out to eat.
It was wonderful, and I am ready to cruise to my next destination.

I missed my sexy man..And he missed me too, but I am refreshed.
I feel it, and I look it..and I act it.

I am so glad for vacations.

I hate traveling because...

I am convinced that people suck. As human beings. I have never encountered so many fucking rude inconsiderate Americans in my life.

On the cruise~Can you act like there are one-thousand-nine-hundred-and-ninety-nine OTHER PEOPLE on the ship besides your ass? You are not the ONLY ONE that wants a drink/a seat/to get by. You are not the only one in this jam packed gift shop. You are not the only person that wants coffee. You are not the only one that wants to get off the boat.
Cigarette smoke bothers you? They why the fuck are you sitting at the smoking bar? Don't wave my smoke and look at me in disgust with your face all twisted up..there are 10 million square feet of non-smoking space on this ship. Go.find.it.

You creep up on me in the dark, scare the shit out of me, kick my fucking drink over, then want to sit beside me and tell me all your problems about your cheating husband, alcoholic and drug abusing children, then wanna pull my fucking card when you see my son? You wanna tell me that "hopefully for his sake, he can pass as Puerto Rican" Well, Fuck you. Why don't you worry about your hair piece wearing, cheating-ass husband? Why don't you worry about your crack-whore daughter? And your 5 time DWI convicted, unemployed, homeless son?
Don't worry about me and mine, honey..you already got your hands full--
I was about 2 seconds from catching an International Charge because of your ass.

On the plane~Why should I have to hear a screaming 3 year old for an entire hour of a 2 hour flight? I am talking about bone chilling screeches. Give the child what the fuck she is crying about. Give her the damn headphones. Give her the fucking pretzels. Let her look at the book. Just shut her the fuck up. There are one-hundred-and- nineteen OTHER people on this small ass plane. There is no reason to start pulling rank and playing discipline games now. This is not the time to have a battle of wills. And with TWO fucking parents right there?
I'll be damned.

At the Airport~Ok, bitch. I am standing in the baggage area. You come up and stand behind me. And then wanna get all gully when I pick my~ big ass ~ heavy ass ~bag off the conveyor belt and wanna put it on the floor. Why you gotta be a smart ass, talking about "EX. CUZZZZZE. ME!"??? because you missed your bag going by?
No. Fuck you. Don't fucking enunciate your frustrated words at me..you are mad at me..be-ca-use...what?
We are here for the same reason. TO GET OUR FUCKING LUGGAGE!
So..is yours more important than mine? OK..MAYBE TO YOU IT IS..then why the fuck are you standing behind me? GO the fuck where there is room for your ass to be in the front! Dumbass.

AND..it is cold as a mother in Maryland...brrrrrrr. I wonder how long it will take me to get acclimated to the coldness after being in Florida and the Caribbean? Not long, I hope. I all the sudden hate cold weather.

Ok. Now that I got that out of the way...cruise details coming soon.

The Boy and I...

are headed out!

We are leaving tonight, flying to Orlando and staying the night there. We are then cruising to Nassau Bahamas, St. Thomas USVI and St. Maarten in the Netherlands.

I hope everyone stays safe..I will catch up when I get back!

Ms. Tee! Sexy man is taking me to the airport ~grin~
I will email you when I get back..
BEHAVE while I am gone..and blog your ass off, so I have some good reading when I get back.

Holla at your girl!

Afraid of Craig

I was outside smoking a 'port the other night, and a car pulls up infront of my apartment building. I was standing in the breezeway with my ass leaning against my door. It was sometime after 11pm. The car sits there for a minute, and the door opens. A white guy gets out and starts walking towards my building. Towards me.

I can spot the po-po a mile away. I wondered what the fuck I done did this time. Since this is not the first time they have been to my apartment, I did a quick inventory. The first thing I thought of was the boy. He was asleep, so it probably didn't have anything to do with him. Before I could finish thinking, he was standing in front of me. The bling around his neck confirmed he was, in fact, the po-po. A Detective, to be more specific. He had some papers in his hand.

"Good Evening, Ma'am" he says, as I am about to hit my smoke.
My attitude automatically defaults to thug mode.

"Wassup" I said. read: what the fuck do you want?
I was surprised at how ghetto and defensive I sounded.

"Do you live here?" was his first question.

"mmmm hmmmm." I said.

"Well, does this person live here?" he was showing me a picture. It looked like a print screen of a web page. The picture was a mug-shot. Of a dude. He looked like a fucking criminal.

I looked at the picture. "No" I said.

He looked at me as if I was not telling the truth. I looked back at him, as if to say whut?
"Do you know him?" was his next question

"What did he do?" I wanna know.

It seems that "Craig" is a sex offender. A violent one. He has been convicted of second degree rape. He informed the sex offender registry unit that he recently moved.
Into my motherfucking building. Fuck that.

Well, guess what? Craig ain't staying here. Craig got.ta.go. Craig ain't gonna be creeping up on me at night. Craig ain't even gonna look twice at my child. And bettanot never say shit to him.
I will kill motherfucking Craig. I got no love for a rapist. Fuck Craig.

I told the officer basically the same thing...as he was walking away I sarcastically said..
"Don't be surprised if you nevah find his ass.."
He knew what I was implying.

I lit another smoke and leaned against my door. What the fuck? There are so many hard-working single mothers in my neighborhood. How does this happen? What are we going to do? This is not fair to us, or our children.
I am scared. Again.

I don't want to live in the same neighborhood as a criminal. As a rapist.
I know what is ass looks like. His face is etched in my brain.
He is scary. And I am afraid of him.--and Craig ain't stayin' here.

PLAY LOTTO, bitch. Don't play ME!

"The Other One" and I are done. D.O.N.E-done.

This is some shit--

Friday evening, 'The Other' calls. He wants to know what I am doing, and if I have plans to go out.
I tell him no and that I dont really want any company so in true 'Other' form he decides to come hang out.
I had a long, busy week. I was really not up for any company. I was tired and cranky and not feeling all that great. He knew this, but decided to try his luck anyway. Big Mistake.

There are 2 times when fucking with me are not a good choice. The first, being when I am in the middle of a crisis..(LOL!) the second, when I don't feel well. But that is another post for another time.

So, he comes over and decides that it would be a great idea to "smoke" --yes-- as in blaze-- in my motherfuckin bathroom...that shit had me heated. The boy was at his friends house--but I don't give a FUCK. Don't be smokin weed in my motherfuckin crib. I told him about himself QUICK. He almost got put out then. But I'm a sucka sometimes!

The boy comes home and falls asleep. I am laying in bed watching TV..'the other' is also laying in my bed--I guess I fell asleep--because I woke up because I heard voices--a woman voice. I realized quickly that it was one of my girlfriends...she always pops over--almost every night..we talk, smoke and drink coffee. I heard her talking, and I smelled something cooking.

'The Other' is a pretty good cook--he be cooking shit all night sometimes--so I figured that he was in the kitchen cooking something..and he would bring me some when he was done.
It musta been around 10:30 ish.

So. IMAGE MY SURPRISE when I open my eyes, and I see my girlfriend laying down next to me, and 'other one' giving her a massage. As in back rub. As in he was fucking touching her.
While I was right.the.fuck.there.--sleeping.

Imagine me sitting up in bed and looking at them like they were fucking crazy. Or better yet, imagine me looking at them like I was crazy.
My girlfriend immediately started to flip the script. "Why are you touching me?" She yells
"Don't touch me, ---you know I don't like to be touched..." Yeah.right.

She has been telling us this bullshit line for years..she does not like to be touched. She says it every day. But apparenly that is not the case. Clearly, she likes to be touched..by someone that is fucking one of her friends.

I just looked at them both. LOL! I don't know why I didn't flip the fuck out. Something in me just wouldn't let me. I think it's because I knew at that moment, that I was done with both of them. I had no words for either of them. I laid back down and said nothing. Sometimes I think that is more effective than acting a fool.
She left shortly after that, and this other motherfucker decides he is gonna get undressed and get in bed with me. I turn my back to him and he touches my arm.

"Don't fucking touch me" I snarl at him.
Has this bitch lost his mind?

Okay. And he comes out of his mouth that I am "jealous".
That's your theory, motherfucker? That I am jealous? okay.

Now, this takes me back to what I have been telling this fucker for the last few months.
That this girl has fucking issues. That she thinks (apparently with good reason) that 'the other' wants to get with her. Although I don't believe that this is (was) true, she is one of those bitches that will test a sista. Don't fucking test me bitch.

And not only that, that motherfucker and cruddy bitch cooked STEAKS out of my freezer.
Fuckers.

I don't understand him.

I don’t understand people. I don’t understand men. I don’t understand him.

He, a long time ago, was supposed to go to Las Vegas. For a softball tournament.
He had an issue with one of the people that he was supposed to go with, and decided that he was not going.

Fuck it, I remember him saying. . I agreed with him...
This was 3 months ago

“Don’t go..” I said. Not for any other reason than being supportive of his decision, and based on the reasons that he gave, and the potential for drama.
I don’t care what he does. He would go no matter what I said anyway. I thought for a minute that he would change his mind. But then again, knowing him, mind changing is not usually an option.

So tell me why..WHY does an “acquaintance” of ours and I mean acquaintance – come to my desk and tell me how she loved the pictures from his Vegas trip the he emailed her..

HUH? WHAT?? What VEGAS TRIP!?!

I smile and play it off..I don’t want her to know that I have no idea what the fuck she is talking about. So, I start thinking about when this trip could have been…

He didn’t really have too many words for me the week prior…He left early on Thursday, and didn’t come in Friday. I knew nothing of these days off…which usually, I know when he won’t be at work, and where he will be. But he called me Friday night..he told me he was headed down the strip to get something to eat. (Did he mean the VEGAS STRIP? LOL!!) He never mentioned that he was out of town.

I talked to him a few times on Saturday. I asked him if he was home, and he said no. But he never said he was in fucking VEGAS either. Me not being one that asks a lot of questions, I just kept it moving. I talked to him Sunday, and he told me that he would not be at work Monday...I swear, I thought nothing of all this..just a stressed out man trying to get some R&R and perhaps take care of some personal shit. It is not even that serious.
BUT WHY LIE BY OMISSION??

Yeah, Yeah, Not really any of my business…I know that…but when I asked him why he didn’t send me pictures of his “trip” he got pissed off…

I don’t think I will ever understand him. Never.

How Can I Ease the Pain?

All alone
on my knees I pray
For the strength
to stay away
In and out,
out and in you go
I feel your fire,
then I lose my self control
How can I ease the pain
When I know you're comin' back again
How can I ease the pain in my heart
~Lisa Fischer

This basically says it all.

So, I am leaving for my trip next Friday. Just me. and the boy.

I ask him to take us to the airport. He said he will. He will keep my car while I am gone.
While on the phone with him, I am just a giggling. I feel our connection once again. I don't always. Sometimes it's missing. It can't be found. I hate days like that. Sometimes it lasts for weeks. But today it is here, and I feel good about it. I talk to him for about a half-hour.
I am funny as hell. So is he. We both know this.

This evening, I heard him on the phone. He was talking to a friend of his. I heard him mention that he was going somewhere..something about her family-something. Her being another woman. He said her name. I have heard about her before. I don't think he knows that I know her name. But I do. I thought it was over with them. Okay. For no real reason, other than I wanted it to be over with them. He never mentioned her before I found out about her (back in April) so I wanted to believe that the absence of him talking about her now meant that she didn't exist.

Clearly she does.

"Am I in trouble?"

The boy. Jesus. How can you be mad at someone that acts just like you?

The boy and his friends were outside playing. When I got home from work, I decided to take a power nap. Usually, I do this on the couch, but somehow ended up in my bed. I like to stay on the couch so I can hear who is coming in and out of my front door. Well, I was knocked the fuck out, because I missed the drama. The boy's drama. ~SMDH~ He get it from his mama!

My phone rang, and woke me up. It was only about 6:30. It was my girlfriend (who watches some of the neighborhood kids after school, until their parents get home. She has the boy, her son (the boys best friend) and 2 other kids. Alexis and Brandon. The boy and his friend are 10. Alexis and Brandon are 7..but you would never know it. The boy and his friend are small for their age. The other 2 are the same size as them, so it's hard to remember they are only 7 in the mind. I think the boy and his little friend forget that sometimes, too.

Anyway, My girlfriend wants to know what is going on...that Brandon came to her house crying hysterically saying that the boy did something to him.
I hear the boy in his room. I ask him who was with him, and he told me he was alone.

I hang up with her and tell the boy to come here so that I can find out what went down.

Here is how he explained it to me:

"I was outside, and we were all playing football. Brandon told me that I sucked at football. When I threw the ball, he wouldn't throw it back. He told me that I suck at catching and I can't throw. I was like...whatever, and I came in the house by myself. "

He editorializes: I don't need him to tell me that I am bad at football. I am better than him..so I figured since he is so good at football, he can play by himself. That's why I came inside.

He continues: "I was in my room playing my game (video game) and Brandon knocked at the door and asked if he could come in. I let him in, and he started running his mouth again. I told him to stop being so nasty, and he said he didn't have to. He said he can say whatever he wants. I told him to GET OUT OF MY HOUSE. Brandon said .."You can't make me"...(the boy gave me the look..the i-can't-believe-that-you-just-said-that-look...the one I give him sometimes....)
so I pushed him out of my room, and to the front door. I opened the front door and pushed him out and I locked the door behind him..."

He editorializes again: How is someone gonna talk nasty to you in your own house? I.DON'T.THINK.SO...

*he pauses* ..."Am I in trouble?"

Ya know.. I just can't be mad at that.

Just where I want to be

Last night, I fell asleep early. Before 10pm.
This Daylight Savings Time crap got a sista messed up!

I heard the unfamiliar ring of my cell. I just recently changed some of my ringers and when the phone rang, along with me being half asleep, I was like.. what the fuck is that?
Oh. Once I realized what it was. I knew.
I knew it was him.

I answered. He could tell I was sleeping. I told him to come over. He told me he would call me later. I figured that he wouldn't. (He does that sometimes).
But he did. And he came over. I made him a drink while he took a shower. I think we said all of 10 words to each other. And I am okay with that. I asked him if he wanted lotion.
mmmhmmm. He said.

But he never reached to take it from me.
That's okay. I got this.

I lotioned his chest. His arms. His back. Him.
Just watching my hands moving over his chocolate body made me moan out loud.

Laying next to his naked body.
Legs wrapped all around him.
My head in the nook of where his arm meets his body.
His arm around me and his hand resting on my ass.
Him smelling so, so good.
His methodical breathing.
Him. almost asleep.
I sigh.
This is just where I want to be.