Karma is a bitch...isn't it?

Yes it is.

I am one that believes that the shit you do will come back around 3-fold. Don't sleep on karma.

That being said, it's no wonder why baby daddy has so many problems.
It's no wonder why sexy man is unhappy most of the time.

Hello?
It's Karma, people.

The law of Karma basically says that when you do something unpleasant to someone, something will come back unpleasant to you. That's pretty basic right?

Karma happens.
So watch what you do bitches. That shit is coming right back to you.

Has my baby daddy been kidnapped?

(I could never be so lucky)

No signs of baby daddy.

Not one word from him since he dropped his custody bomb 2 days ago.

That makes no fucking sense to me. How in the hell can you be so 'concerned' with the well-being of your child, and not fucking call for 2 days?--there has been times when he hasn't called for 2 months--
But I will tell you what.
If I did not see the boy everyday, you could bet money on the fact that I would be on the phone with him every day--how are you? how was school? everything alright?
Do you need anything?--just stuff like that.

I could not imagine not talking to him or seeing him, just because I don't put forth the effort. Sure, I could make up every excuse there is, just like baby daddy does. Try to blame it ALL on someone else, just like he does. I could even say it to their face, like he does.
But who would I be kidding? I mean--I know how much effort he puts forth. I know how much he is willing to do. I know that I see money when he feels like giving it to me. I know that he thinks it's punishment to me for him not to support the boy.

He actually had the balls the other day to tell me that I "have my hand out" What the fuck?
MY HAND OUT?
yeah. MY. HAND. OUT.
As in, I am always asking him for money.

Lets be truthful here. I have seen 100 bucks from baby daddy in the past 12 months.
100 dollars. In one year.

And I have my hand out. Sheesh.

Anyway. enough about this bullshit..

Be careful what you ask for...

Sexy man is giving me a run for my money. He really is.

So. Today, I see sexy man. And he got all kinds of rap for me.
All. kinds.
Not really THAT out of the ordinary..I mean, we do talk.


Anyway. So sexy man has some interesting pictures.
REALLY INTERESTING.
And me being a woman. Well, I just wanted to see them.
So, he shows me one picture.
YIKES!
He tells me.."no more pictures".
But, I wasn't having that. Nope, not me.
I say.."I wanna see".
He says.."I don't know if you can handle it!"
(Now, we all know he WANTS me to see).
AND.
(Since I am all about giving the people what they want..)

I say.."nah, I'm good..I can DO THIS!"
(We both are laughing..)
So, he shows me the picture.

Nope.
I wasn't ready for it.
Shit.
That pisses me off.

We are talking body.
arms. legs. chest. ass.
All his. Damn.


So, what the hell is that all about?
Who knows. Who cares.


I guess sometimes you gotta be careful what you ask for.

Baby Daddy and Custody of the boy.

My Fucking Baby Daddy.

Oh. MY. GOD.

Okay. So this mother-fucker actually has the NERVE to call me at work today to tell me that he is filing for joint custody of the boy. Joint fucking custody? Are you kidding me? He proceeded to tell me that I know nothing about raising a boy child into a man. And that he is his father, and that a boy needs to be with his father.
1/2 of the time.

Kiss my mother fucking ass. That's what I tell him. Go to hell, mother-fucker.
You see, the issues are not that fucking simple. I know people think that yeah, a boy needs to see his father. (which he does, when it's convenient for HIM, which is usually 10 pm, when the boy is in bed). But I am not even about to get into this. He and I know the reasons why things are the way they are. We both know that child support, despite a case filed with the courts, is paid when he wants to pay it. We know that his work history is scattered, and that his residence is unstable. We know that he has a new girlfriend every other week. We know that he gets all his girlfriends pregnant and then leaves them (or, as in my case, they leave him because he is a CHEATER, LIAR, and THIEF!, not to mention FRAUD!) We know that he falls asleep AT THE WHEEL. And has had over 20 car ACCIDENTS in the 10 years that I have known him. One with the boy in the car, in the FRONT SEAT, NO SEATBELT, and was injured and had to go to the hospital! We know that he fell asleep while he had the boy at the pool (one with NO LIFEGUARD ON DUTY!..the boy was 6 years old!)

Baby daddy. Do you know what you are doing? Do you know what you are asking for?
You want to tell ME that I have NO CLUE how to raise a boy into a man?..Well, let's think about that for a second. Do you THINK that I WANT HIM to be taught how to be a man FROM YOU? One who has always run out on their responsibilities? One who can't keep a job? or keep a girlfriend? One who does not take care of their children--one who DENIES PATERNITY to children that have YOUR LAST NAME? How can a ANYONE DENY their own flesh and blood? One who doesn't understand that being a father means doing what's best for YOUR CHILD--not what's best for YOU? You could never on your BEST DAY do what I do--each and every day!

Why don't you go bother one of your other baby-mama's? (one of the other 5 that you have besides me?)

Why don't you get joint custody of one of them other kids?
Or better yet--kiss my fucking ass. Good luck baby daddy. You're gonna need it.

Who else can love like that?

My son said the strangest thing to me yesterday. But it has been pounding in my head ever since. He said "If something happens to you, I won't have anyone."
I almost started crying. I was speechless. I just had no idea what to say to my little boy. Because, in a big way, he is right.

I mean, who has enough love for him to do all the things that I do? Who knows each and every fear of his..and how to make EVERYTHING better. Who will go outside and tell one of the neighborhood kids to leave him alone if they are bothering him..and know that I am NOT PLAYING WITH THEIR ASSES? Who will know what the right thing to do is in any given situation? Who will always, ALWAYS have his back like I do? Who will get up in the middle of the night to make him oatmeal? Who will tell him the truth when he asks "will this hurt?" as I am about to clean a cut, or pull his tooth? Who will go to his school and say "I am on his side..and I will ALWAYS be on his side?" Who will tell him 'no' and stick to it, no matter how long he stares with them puppy eyes?

I know who. NO ONE. 'Cus I am his MOTHER. and thats how I do it.

He knows it, and I know it.

ONE-HALF

I think I have seriously flipped the script on sexy man! I told myself right after the Thursday night softball game drama..that sexy man gets nothing. nada. I said this because I was hurt, and pissed off.
But I have reconsidered my position.

Sexy man now gets half. One-half of what he used to get.


Oh, and there IS a reason for this. There might not be a GOOD reason, but there is a reason.

He doesn't deserve 100 percent from me. He never really did, but I have fun with him, and he is good to look at. We have a great time together.
(did I mention that I love him?)

I can handle this. I have an unbelievable amount of patience, and self-control.

I am not trying to prove anything, or control shit..I just want things to be a little more on my terms. So from now on, half.

There may be times when he gets even less, depending on my mood.

But never, EVER will he get more than that. you can bet on it.

My Inner Child

This explains a lot.

My inner child is six years old!

Look what I can do! I can walk, I can run, I can
read! I like to do stuff, and there's a whole
big world out there to do it in. Just so long
as I can take my blankie and my Mommy and my
three best friends with me, of course.


How Old is Your Inner Child?
brought to you by Quizilla

I made a baby with a black man..who has something to say?

Race. and making babies.

Why does this shit make me so mad? I never knew that so many black folks were in such a uproar about black men and white women making babies. I have never been confronted by a black woman either directly or indirectly about any issue involving the fact that my son's father is black, or the fact that I date black men.


So, I got to thinking...

Is this an issue that black people talk about only amongst themselves? Or write about in their blogs? Specifically, how horrid it is for a white woman to have babies with black men? How a white woman could never properly raise a child that has a black father?

I wonder if ANY of these women that constantly bitch about this to their friends and talk mad shit about it in their blogs have ever confronted a white woman on this.
TO HER FACE.

I am not opening a debate. I do not need anyone to point out all the reasons why I shouldn't have made a baby with a black man. I don't want to talk about hair (I have a SON, he goes to the barber shop). I do not want to talk about identity and what my son needs to be taught about being black.
I do not really give a fuck what ANYONE thinks about what I do, what color my son's father is, or who I date. I am just wondering..if so many people have issues with this...who is gonna be the first to call me out to my face.

Don't be a punk bitch. (wo)man the fuck up.

The Beginning of the End.

I was in sexy man's presence the other day.
Well, sexy man decides that he wants to borrow something of mine. And I am like okay. So I take it to him. And when he is not paying attention, I am staring at him. Hard.
And I notice something.
And I am like DAY-UM.
Never noticed THAT before.
So, I am watching him.
And the more I look at him, the more I think..why does he gotta look so mad all the damn time? Like he wants to hurt some damn body. It's sad, because when he smiles, I smile too. But when he shows that ice grill..it makes me want to just walk away. (which sometimes I do). I guess that's what happens when you close your googly-ass eyes, and open your real ones. You can actually see shit for what it really is.

So I am thinking..this is the beginning of the end.

So, sexy man...soon, you will be off the hook. And maybe you will breathe a sigh of relief. Maybe we both will.

Go Shorty, it's your birthday.

So. Today is sexy man's birthday. I didn't get him anything. (yet?..LOL?)

And I don't think I will. I want to, because that's just how I am...and did I mention that I love him? But I think that it will make me look like a fucking idiot. Sure..do whatever you want to me, and I will then buy you a birthday gift. (Are you fucking kidding me?)
It even sounds ridiculous.

So, let me take my ridiculous ass to the Hallmark store to get him a card.
(just kidding!)

Why I gotta be so weak?

Oh. My. God.

I am just weak. I called sexy man yesterday. Just to tell him that I was thinking about him. WTF?? I just love him. Yep, I said it. and yep. that's my excuse.

I am just gonna roll with this. That's all I can do. I am OK. That's the shit of it all. No tears. No freaking out. No "HO" been jilted behavior. No fires. No tire slashing. No lurking. No investigation. LOL!! Thats just not me anyway. I don't roll like that. I think on some level sexy man knows that. That's why I am in the position that I am. I could have completely blown his spot. In 2 fucking sentences. But he knows me better. I REFUSE to embarrass or otherwise make a fool of myself on some shit like this. OH. HELL. NO.

After most of the ...Thursday night softball game drama...smoke has cleared, I wonder if I even have the right to be mad about anything. On some level, I am thankful. My eyes are now wide open..Gone are the googly eyes that I once saw sexy man through each and every day. The game has changed.

So am I weak? Yeah.
Do I care? Nope.

Undercover HO?

I didn't know that I was signing up for this..I swear I didn't. But this is how things end up when you walk around in a googly-eyed lustful daze and don't define the terms of your relationship, or lack thereof. Feelings are WIDE open, just waiting to be hurt...and trust me, mine are WAY hurt--not really sure what hurts me the most, the fact that this relationship, clearly, is not the way I had it set-up in my convoluted mind (I rolled with this as if he were not attached). or. the fact that I just can't get over the whole way this shit went down. (punk ass). or. my feelings are just hurt.

In any event. I just don't know why some people just can't man the fuck up.
example:
Yeah, I DID it.
Yeah, it's like this...
Yeah, I am sleeping with someone.

Why people gotta wait until the minute that shit is about to unfold to make some half-ass, left field comment..that translates to: I have a woman? Sheesh.

Don't act as if I'm your undercover ho.

My Feelings are WAY hurt!

Well..I guess the jig is up. And this being said..my poor little feelings are way hurt. It seems that one of my "men" has more going on than I thought. I am not sure how I feel about this..I think I am hurt and confused on many levels. I am most bothered by the way that I found out. It was punk. ass. Period.

I don't know, exactly, what will be different from this point forward..BUT things will be different. There are things that I just won't do for him anymore.. Things that I can't do for him anymore. I need to get my self in check. I let myself get just a little too caught up.

And to sexy man...it's been fun. I will miss you.